Day Two Letters

Day two of letter writing. I still want to resist the prompts. The letters are meant to explore my kinky and vanilla side. The context of these letters are here.

The kinky letter asks me to list my kink. Well I already answered that yesterday so there is no point in making things redundant. But in general my kink is being mind-fucked and fucked hard, rough, degraded, humiliated, used and treated as property, raped, kidnapped, gang-banged, and pushed to do even more with proper mind-control. Someone once tried to put me in a hypnotic trance and subjugate me. That was the hottest thing ever that I had the opportunity to experience. He understood mind-fuck well and understood what I needed and kept me on a short leash. I felt His ownership 24/7 even though we were in a long-distance relationship. Thus, I always stay open to learning more about how deep I can go in my submission with proper trust, safety, connection, and domination on all levels. Staying open allows for a gratifying experience of deepened submission and allows for embracing new experiences.

Letter to a High School Crush

Dear Nav,

When I think back to our high school days, I can only smile at my own assumptions about our relationship. That year we were in Biology, Chemistry, Finite Math, and Calculus together. I was kicking your ass in all subjects. You would hang out with me before and after class, during lunch hour and even call me at home to make sure you understood the material as well as you needed to, since you wanted to get good grades for medical school. You always thought ahead, always planned. I used to admire your intelligence as well as your tall, lean body, bright smile, and wavy hair. I daydreamed about what it would be like to be in your arms. Perhaps because I watched too much "Saved by the Bell," "Dawson's Creek," or "Degrassi High" or something, I thought that whenever a guy talks to a girl within the context of attending the same high school, it usually means he likes her.

Well, you talked to me a lot. Especially when I was nominated to represent our school in that math Euclid contest and you weren't. You sat with me and tried to figure out what it is that you didn't understand about "finding limits" in calculus or how to remember trigonometric formulas, or how to balance a chemical equation. I remember dissecting that frog and squirming and making you do the work during biology and feeling amazing that you took care of us and didn't tell the teacher about my lack of participation. For sure, I thought you liked me, loved me even. It made perfect sense to me. How could it not? Zac would do it for Kelly in "Saved by the Bell" if he was smart enough. I thought that if it were an episode of Dawson's Creek, we would be doing the horizontal mumbo number one, two..or whatever.

We had a spring dance. I was hoping either you'd ask me in advance or ask me for a dance at the event. To my surprise, I found out that you came with a girl. Even more surprising was that she was your girlfriend for a year. I was extremely confused. How could life not be like those high school dramedies on TV? Why didn't anyone tell me? You didn't ask me to dance. I just had to change my assumption. We remained friends. Academic friends. I was your geek consultant. But I still had a crush on you.

Consequently, any guy I met after you, I refused to believe that they liked me even if the signs were pretty strong. I didn't want to ass-u-me any more. I remember a guy who came to my dorm room in university, in his underwear, and stayed till 4 am, both of us intoxicated, asserting strongly that it would be okay if a girl makes the first move. I never made that move. I was scared that I was reading into things. An almost naked guy on my bed emphasizing that a girl can make the first move and would be able to turn a guy on was not enough of an indicator to me that he liked me. Guys would have to lick me or something for me to consider, perhaps there might be an interest.

However, our lives have moved past those years. We have gone in our different directions. I think back to those days fondly. Simpler days, simpler times, simpler concerns. All I used to worry about was how to come up with my next excuse to break curfew or where I could go to make out with my boyfriend, or how would it feel when I make love for the first time. That is another story for another time. I thank you for crossing paths with me. I had fun and learned that high school dramedies aren't good resources for sorting out teenage emotions.