My Monkey

I am getting this babygirl soon. I need to figure out a name for her. I am really excited and happy. January 10th -15th, be here now. Now, now, now.

What I want!

I want to love, live happily, submit, surrender deeply, and glow in guidance and leadership of a dominant man. I accept that my dominant won't be perfect, won't be always strong, won't always make the best decisions. But that's okay. When he needs me as a babygirl, that's who I will be for him. But when he needs me as his competent partner, his counsel, then that too is my service to him. When he needs me as his best friend at the end of the day, when he doesn't have the energy to be holding his dom space, and all he wants to do is forget everything and unwind, I want to be that girl he does it with. But the slut in me will want the pervert in him at other times, the babygirl will need Daddy at other times, the submissive will need Master and leader of the household at other times.

I would always let him lead us, voice my concerns, and trust that he will do what is best, and if he doesn't, he will gather the wisdom to correct his path without ego. I am not going to settle for anything less. This is my dream relationship. I want to be his all and I want him to be my all. I promise to work on my own issues diligently, without expecting my dominant to be my shrink, and promise to be more mindful as they pop up their ugly heads. But I would need him to be patient and understanding with me when they do. Not punish me because I am in pain. And I promise to serve, love, worship, and devote my all, in every way possible for him. And if he understands my tender heart, I promise I would move heaven and earth to see that he is happy all the time to the best of my ability. This is what I want.

Stupidity

Sometimes people are stupid. And there's nothing anyone can do about it. Sometimes people's heads are so far up their asses that even with the brightest light up there they do not know whether they are coming or going. I shake my head when I think how easily people settle into something that is completely unproductive because they are afraid of taking the step towards their own happiness. And of course as I look at that in others, I need to then see what steps I am not taking for my own happiness because I am stuck in my own comfortable space. And I realize that I am stuck in a story that perhaps has long ended and I had a hard time accepting the end of it, even when the end was clear. Somehow with multiple versions of going back and forth, I thought, the end wasn't an end, that there were chances for continuation, until I got slapped on the face with reality. So I am going to try to wake up, smell the coffee, embrace reality, and a new tomorrow.

Stupidity is a Liability!

Provincialism! Humanity Could Do Without.

I remember watching a Jim Carey movie a while ago titled, "The Truman Show." In that movie, Jim Carey's character, Truman, was bought by a corporation when he was a baby and he was raised in a TV set, in what the corporation owner thought would be an idealized world and video taped Truman's every move. Truman fell in love with an actress and wanted to pursue her and he wanted to go wherever she was located. We were shown that in geography classes Truman was taught that where he lived was the best place to be and no other place was better than where he was at. When he went to a travel agency to buy a ticket to travel out of town he was told there were no tickets, flights, and was asked why he would want to leave paradise, since there was no better place out there in the world other than his hometown.

Currently, I live in a small town where many members of the community remind me of the characters in the Truman show. They have never stepped out of their town, not seen anything else beyond their immediate neighborhood, and even those who have been somewhere outside of town, cannot situate themselves broadly in the world, as members of humanity. Flying patriotic paraphernalia made in China in their front lawns, they boast of being the best because of where they live, groups they belong in, and dismiss any need to know or learn about anyone else other than themselves.

It is this kind of thinking that creates "Us versus Them" divisions in the world. It is this provincial thinking that makes us only take care of our backyards and say, "We are the best and fuck the rest." It is this mentality that justifies not having healthcare for all, "Sucks to be you if you're poor and sick." As long as it is not in my backyard, I don't have to look, pay attention, or think how we might be connected. It is this very same mentality that our politicians use to justify the socialized healthcare they enjoy but are unwilling to pass it onto the people they purport to serve because all we need to care about is our immediate group in which we belong. It is the same reason why we don't speak up with utter disgust when human rights get violated around us in various ways, privacies invaded, people prisoned without a chance to defend themselves, because they are not part of our group, family, church, community, neighborhood in which we belong.

I don't understand this mentality on any level. Isolating ourselves is akin to burying our heads in the sand and pretending nothing else exists with any kind of merit or value outside of our groups with which we identify, akin to how Truman was socialized to believe. Existing in separation has never been my style. At the core of my being, I see such moves to exist in isolation and separation not only as an arrogant and colonizing move, but also as a misguided move. We create false boundaries, divide the people of the world up in this and that group and then we compare and contrast, get into pissing contests, and start wars. We look at those who are not us with suspicion, not with generosity of spirit. Because they look different, sound different, believe in something different, or worse, they make us feel threatened because they are able to achieve something with more ease than we are able to.

I wish for a day when humanity is not caught up in separation, boundaries, divisions, and the associated arrogance, narcissism, ignorance, and the associated ethnocentrism such ways of thinking bring. We are in this existence on earth together. Our differences eclipse compared to the similarities we share. I wish that as a culture, humanity would abandon its needs to exist in isolation and discover the strength of connection across commonalities, shared passions, and build solidarities. There is power in our connection, in how we come together, in how we relate and understand each other, in our ability to be compassionate, in our ability to relate to people who might hold views that are remarkably different from our own. Until and unless we can see each other as different versions of ourselves expressed and manifested in multiple forms, some remarkably similar, some masked to be extremely different, we will continue to be divisive, quarrel, separate ourselves, and live in isolation reinforcing the discourse and epistemology of "Us versus the Rest of the Fuckers." Yet, I cannot shrug off that as a whole, in this project of humanity, where we come together to learn, lift each other up, journey with each other, laugh, cry, be silly, we are together, part of a larger collective consciousness. Never in isolation. Never alone. I end with a quote that Lubna Chaudhry wrote that is very near and dear to my heart. "Though I tried I could not really write my story. Each time I tried to write, everything splintered into little bits. I had no clear picture of what unified it all. We are all in it together, that’s all I know." 

Where the Penises Are!

I can't stop laughing even long after seeing this clip. I had to share! Enjoy!

Still I Rise - Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou is one of my favorite poets in this whole wide world. I felt this poem is appropriate for this moment in my life.

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops,

Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard

'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin' in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I've got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame

I rise

Up from a past that's rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.

Fake, Flake Dominants

I have posted here and here about the various sorts of dominants I have met online and the immediate superficiality that becomes evident from such meeting. In those posts, I have discussed the easy identifiers of such fake dominants in online spaces. Such identifiers usually include the use of honorifics in their names, an automatic expectation of submission, equating submission and slavery together as if they are one and the same, and a genuine sense of belief that they truly are masters because of their honorifics.

However, what I have not yet discussed are the ones who come to online spaces with their "real life" experience cards. There is a lot of discussion about how online D/s is watering down what is the actual experience of living in the lifestyle, in flesh. That online experiences of the lifestyle is a fantasy, artificial,  easy to get in and out of with clicks of the mouse and typing on the keyboards, whereas the real experience of being collared, leashed, of kneeling in front of your dominant, of feeling the dominant's touch on your skin while under his/her control are beyond the imaginations of those who "play" D/s online. As someone who is experienced in the "real" life arena, I have no problem with such characterization that unless you have actually experienced the lifestyle in flesh, what one experiences online is not the same as what happens in flesh. Yet, I am not quick to judge online experiences as entirely "unreal" either. There are various reasons why people enter into D/s relationships online and being genuine, open, and honest can allow for some beautiful ways of experiencing some aspect of a D/s relationship, not similar to the flesh experience, different, but still legitimate and real. 

What I have noticed though that there are some people coming to the online space and putting out their "real life" experience cards. As in, "I have 21 years of experience in the lifestyle, check me out, I am really a Master, I have earned this title." I have often wondered about those people and the legitimacy of their claims. First, anyone can come and claim anything for any number of years. Just because someone has done something for a certain number of years, does not automatically mean that they are any good at it. Doing something for 21 years does not mean doing it well. One could very well suck at something and keep doing it for years. In that case, the experience card is just a window dressing, an enticement, an advertisement, and in many cases a false one. 

Additionally, having been in the "real" life arena of the lifestyle, those I know who have "earned" the honorific of a Master, do not have a need to go around telling people, that they are a Master and that they earned this title. They come across settled, balanced, at peace with themselves, and allow their mastery to exude out of them so that others automatically see it, revere it, and acknowledge it. When "Masters" from other states came to my local BDSM community, they never asked us to call them by their honorifics. They never once mentioned that they have earned the title of "Master." We knew. It wasn't important to them, because they were secure in who they were and weren't in need of proving themselves. Some of us called these Masters, "Sir," others called them "Master," and yet some others just called them by their names, if he introduced himself as, "Hi everyone, I am Derek." But the point is, even if someone earns the title of "Master" from their local community, it isn't necessary to go around touting such honorifics, because mastery cannot be demanded, it is not something that needs to be marketed, advertised for its retail value like a used car. 

What makes me cringe further is that in some spaces in our online community, there are people who are so genuinely hungry for the guidance and presence of some experienced dominants, that the minute they hear "real life experience of 21 years," they automatically rubber stamp the person as legitimate, as a mouthpiece of all wisdom, and yet the person is running around insecure, trying to find his footing, and desperately repeating about his earned mastery every chance he is getting, his other qualifications, and being filled with a distorted sense of power and control, one that is dictated, and in no shape or form earned. Those dominants, the ones grounded in "old guard" philosophies who didn't buy into any one truism of D/s or BDSM, who mentored me, would caution me about such posers because real mastery does not need advertisement of any form, in names, in titles, in honorifics. Just because someone has "earned" a title in some space in their real life community does not mean that they are not going to have to "earn" the same respect in another community, real or virtual. That a real life master of 21 years do not understand the concept automatically makes me question the legitimacy of all of his claims. 

Dig a little deeper into the experience of such real to online Masters. Ask them how many people they have owned and for how long, and you would be surprised to see that their experience comes up empty. You would wonder how one could claim any kind of mastery, how one could mentor anyone else in their relationships, when s/he does not have the depth of experience himself or herself. If one hasn't run their own household, gone through the daily negotiations that happen in D/s, the hard act of balancing vanilla and lifestyle issues every single day, the deprogramming of social conditioning while living in flesh with another human being, the head spinning nature of having so much power and control over someone else's life, one's well-being, and still finding one's own footing, one's own grounding, one's own balance and peace, there is no way one can ever claim that s/he is a "Master" of anything no matter how many books one read, how many play parties one attended, how many munches one may have lead, and how many people one may have mentored with one's "theoretical" knowledge. 

This is not a game. This is an issue that anyone in the lifestyle should take seriously and all of us should be alarmed and alerted when people like these enter amidst us. Dominants hold a lot of responsibility in their hands, the unconditional trust of another human being, the surrender of a baby girl, the point of no return of a slave, and if they are not equipped and/or experienced to handle these responsibilities, touting an ability to do so with some unverifiable honorific title in their name, is just dangerous. 

In my opinion, those people who need to shout out loudly who they are, tagging themselves with honorifics, advertising their "mastery" of one thing or another frequently, despite having any real experience of ownership, are not only not worthy of the "Master" title, but are also very insecure human beings compensating for things that they do not feel they have. What these things are could be anyone's guess. However, what I would like to caution people who are reading this, is that when you hear someone coming to your online space and tout such experienced honorifics, question the person, see if that person is legitimate or not, because if they are not legitimate and they are going around doling out advice, then they are in a position to do a lot of damage to people and that is not desirable for anyone involved.

Cross posted at http://ds-academy.blogspot.com/2011/12/fake-flake-dominats.html

Timing

I have no idea why some people come into our lives when they do. But I have always found that things have a way of working out, becoming purposeful, even when at the moment I cannot comprehend the reasons. Maybe our rationality seeking minds fill in a hole in our understanding with some illusory explanation. So I am going to do try to trick my mind and play a song instead. Go ahead, figure out the meaning from it, all the minds who are reading this. I dare you. :)

Global Energy Problem? Solved!

Yes ladies and gentlemen and everyone in between and beyond, I have solved the energy crisis in this world by some awesome Internet search skills.