Introducing the Dom and Dommer Series

Well I think I have found my new addiction. I am having so much fun creating these videos that I have decided to start a "Dom and Dommer" series and document the myriad of experiences I have had in Second Life as a submissive woman or experiences that my friends have related to me. Oh the fun we shall have in the upcoming days! The clip below is what happens when someone asks the dreaded "wanna fuck" question within the first two sentences of meeting. Oh and April has only 30 days, a valuable piece of information to know when viewing the clip.

Masters, Dominants, the Real Deals!

Today a friend of mine sent me a clip from YouTube that inspired what I am about to share in this blog. I am continuously puzzled by the following actions of people who claim to be dominants in second life:

1. Wear master tags
2. Ask you to be be theirs within 3 sentences or less
3. Hand out collars like candy on halloween
4. Become offended when you reject their offers
5. Genuinely believe that their window dressings make them a real master.

Therefore, in honor of these individuals who provided me with hours of entertainment in second life, I created the following video. It is almost a synthesized verbatim account of conversations I have had in second life with people.



The program didn't have animation for running away or else I would have added that. Running with skid marks left behind would have been my animation of choice.

Before I end, I want to share this nice song I have stumbled upon lately. Sometimes it is nice to be polite. And it is also nice to politely say, "Fuck You" to another. Thus, in honor of all of us who at one point in time or another wanted to say "Fuck You" to someone else for just being a fucktard, here is our song.

My Hips Don't Lie

Okay I just got home and am a bit drunk. Well maybe a bit tipsy. Or maybe a lot drunk. I am a cheap drunk. I had two long island iced teas and half a bottle of Heineken as I write this blog. There isn't a law against drinking and blogging is there? So read at your own risk, if you dare. Tomorrow, I plan to go spend a major part of my evening intoxicated and dancing at a bar, as I have not been dancing in a long time in rl. I can pretty much do most of the dances animated in sl dance intans in rl. I even performed on stage various types of dances and I miss dancing. So tomorrow I am going to let the rhythm get me and shake my sassy ass.

Tonight, I have been dancing in rl for the last two hours and entertained some friends. In the process, I almost lost my jeans as they got loose around my waist and was about to drop down to my feet sweeping the ground. I felt like Urkel trying to pull my jeans up my boobery (yes i make up words and am damn proud of it too, so deal with it). So here's a sample of a dialogue between my friend and me who was witnessing me dancing.

Friend: what's with your pants?
Me: They are falling down.
Friend: why?
Me: Maybe because the vahgine wants to stand up, wake up, stand up for its rights
Friend rolls around in laughter
Friend: You are a silly girl
Me: You are a silly girl. Your lineage is a silly girl. Your lineage's lineage is a silly girl
(Aside: It is important when you insult that you don't just insult a person but go for the person's entire lineage and more. Bring shame. A lot of it.)
Friend rolls around laughing
Me dances on singing along to Copacabana, Hips don't lie, pretending to be Lola and Shakira simultaneously.

I decided to spin around and make myself dizzy, purposely. My pants threatened to leave my waist again. Damn pants. I Urkeled myself out of the betraying pants as I continued to spin around to realize that I can do a lot of spins even though I am drunk and not fall over. Thanks to spotting techniques and hours of practice and muscle memory even though my neurons quit firing synaptic juices because of the alcohol I kept supplying them.

Finally, I realized how much I miss shaking my hips, ass, and everything else that wants to shake to the rhythm anyway. So tomorrow I dance. And tonight I dance too. And maybe the day after I might dance again. Let there be dance. Let there be shaking hips. Let there be hips that don't lie.

Virtual Rufis and Nezbolitos

The title of this post sums up last night at Fallen Angel. Yes my sleep schedule is fucked up. Again. But then again how can one not stay up at all hours of the night, talk to a Czech chick, claim her as one's European alt, audition for being a DJ while dancing naked around a pole, convince a DomDude to dance around the pole as well, and communicate in English to incomprehensible Czech phrases, while snorting out loud in voice? I think we were slipped some Rufis and definitely some Nezbolitos, while we were not looking.

What are Nezbolitos, you ask? Well let me start from the beginning. I went to Fallen at some wee hour after midnight, to wind down before I go to bed. There was hardly anyone there, so I hopped on a pole and started greeting the one guest, a DomDude, who was hanging around. In jest, I suggested He should shake His ass on the pole next to me. To my surprise, He came and hopped on the pole and became a Fallen pole stripper and a dancer who made no money for the entire night. My suggestion to this wonderful DomDude was to not quit His day job. He would starve otherwise in sl.

At about the same time, a Czech woman jumped on another pole and decided to talk in her native tongue without any translation. Being all multicultural and shit, I decided to engage her in English, without any understanding of what she was saying. Entering her text in Google translator only returned non-sensical or partially coherent phrases. However, being the linguistic genius that I am, I noticed some Czech words matched some English words closely, although I am not sure what they meant, really. No thanks to Google translator. For example, the word, "Tada." I am not sure what it meant in Czech or whether it was an adverb, adjective, or a proper noun of a dude named Tad who went, "aaaaa." Therefore, in my ethnocentric effort to make our Czech chick (who, by now, I was convinced was my European alt) feel included I shared, "When i unhook my bra and my breasts spring out, I say tada." There were many other suggestions on the table including springing out one's 8" cock and saying "tada" and then the pervasive "tada" posts made by the DomDude, who seemed to have acquired a strange case of "tada" Tourette's syndrome as all his posts included the word "tada" in one form or another.

Another such word was Nezbolitos. Seeing my friendly gesture to include her, the Czech chick addressed me and used the word "Nezbolitos." Babel fish and Google translator gave up on the word and told me that I was on my own. Desperate times called for desperate measures especially since I was convinced that I was being cursed as the three-headed woman who sucked on goat testicles. So, I responded, "No, no Nezbolitos for me please. I tried that last month. It didn't work out for me." The rest of the night was full of conversations like these in Czech and English, perhaps neither of us understanding each other. I felt like I was on crack or someone slipped me some Rufi. I laughed and laughed till I began to snort out loudly on voice, losing all my femininity. Clearly, subs do not snort now, do they? Gives up her sub card and hangs her head in shame.

The DomDude and I concluded that we had a night of virtual Rufis and Nezbolitos as the only possible explanation for the state of our minds. I saw the sunrise in the morning and ended my night/morning with a confessional smile. DomDude, who didn't make any money, ended up with a naked chick lying on Him by the end of the night. I'd say He scored. I felt a serious pain on the sides of my stomach from laughing so hard and my jaws were in agony from idiotically smiling at my screen.

Sometimes a Hi is Just a Hi

Last night I ended up laughing harder than I had in a long time. Thanks to a new friend I made at Fallen Angel, who seems to have the same irreverent sense of humor as I do. I had a Photoshop project to do and decided that 5:15 am is an entirely appropriate time to do such a project. Anyway, thinking that Fallen Angel would be quiet at that hour, I wanted to park my toon there and work on my Photoshop project.

When I went to Fallen, I met my new friend Sierrah, with whom I clicked instantly. As we were goofing around, a dudely dude, Domly Dom, burly Masterly Master entered the club wearing a hooded cape that covered his head, which Sierrah and I concluded was the only conceivable reason why he didn't hear us asking him to dance for us. Sierrah thought it would be a good idea to ask such a Domly Dom man to shake his ass for us. It was late. Or early. We forgot our roles. And the rules. Or maybe we didn't. Who knows? What's wrong with a Dom shaking his ass every once in a while for the pleasure of random submissive pixels he might encounter on his digital paths?

Anyway, I decided to say hi to the nice Domly man, which to him, meant something way more than what I intended. He wanted to know if he could help me in some way. The conversation went something like this.

Gemma: Hi
Domly Dom: Hey
Domly Dom: Can I help you?
Gemma: Can you? Why would you want to? What can you do to help?
Domly Dom: You called me. I want to know if I can help.
Gemma: I didn't call you. Lmao. I said hi. I work here. I say that to everyone.

At this point, Domly Dom had a woman who arrived at his beck and call and he was taking her to the dance floor to dance, still engaged with me, trying to be "helpful." He was confused as to why I said hi to him if I didn't want anything from him. How can that even be possible? By now, I was laughing hard and telling Sierrah that he still wants to "help" me and wants to know why I said hi. So Sierrah, being the helpful lass that she is, engaged in the following conversation with me.

Gemma Luv: he is not sure how he can help me still
Sierrah: type back.
Sierrah: help me have an orgasm
Gemma: i typed that
Sierrah: OMFG SHUTTUP YOU DID NOT
Gemma: i did too
Sierrah: you are my hero

Mr. Domly Dom very politely responded, "Not now hun." I thought the issue was put to rest. There was no helping me. I was beyond help. Un-helpable. Helpless, hapless lass. Sierrah and I went back to our conversation that had to do with some kinky shrink visits. Then, right before the Domly dude was going to log off, he sent me this golden nugget:

Domly Dude: Rub ur pussy

I wanted to gift him with the alphabet with all the letters that are in there so he could use them in abundance. But he had left already and seeing that he had so much game, I couldn't help myself but posted back, "That's all you have?"

This morning, Gemma was presented with a precious gem from the Dudely Dude. He said, "What u want more?? Lets talk."

Gemma screams, runs for the hills, and is never to be seen ever again.

Bah Humbug: Anti-Valentine's Day Songs

All over the world today, people are celebrating that disgusting thing called love. That syrupy feeling that makes everything sweet, every sappy love song so much more meaningful, and women are getting fatter by the minute from all the chocolates they are receiving as a symbol of their lovers' affection. So to keep balance in this universe, I have decided to make a list of anti-valentine songs that have strong stalker vibes associated with them. Whoever wrote these songs believed that stalkers need love too. Besides, if someone stalked me, it would be so flattering. Like they cared enough about me to stalk me. Aww, baby! So here's my list of songs with which one can make a mix tape for stalkers and psychos. Well in this day and age it would mix cds, or mix playlist for psychos and stalkers.


Songs for Psychos and Stalkers

1. One way or Another - Blondie

2. I will Possess Your Heart - Death Cab for Cutie

3. I Just Called to Say I love You - Stevie Wonder

4. Every Breath You Take - the Police

5. Obsession - Animotion

6. I can't Live - Mariah Carey

7. I Want the One I Can't Have - The Smiths

8. I Want You to Want Me - Cheap Trick

9. There is a Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths

10. I Put a Spell on You - CCR

11. I Would Do Anything For Love - Meatloaf

12. Can't Get You Out of My Head - Kylie Minogue

13. What Do I Have to Do? - Stabbing Westward

14. If I was Your Girlfriend - Prince

15. I'm the Only One - Melissa Etheridge

16. Don'tcha - Pussycat Dolls

17. You know, I know - John Lee Hooker

18. Under My Thumb - Rolling Stones

19. Get in My Car - 50 Cent

20. November Rain - Guns n' Roses

21. Jealous Guy - John Lennon

22. Is She Really Going Out With Him? - Joe Jackson

And to end this post, i am adding a clip for the top song in the list.

If Masters (straight men) were to bake cookies

It would look like these

The Art of Allowing: Moving on with Grace

I am in this place in my life where I have realized that I have to get out of my own way to experience the joy and happiness that I think I can. Part of that involves letting go of expectations of others. The act of unconditional acceptance of self is the most liberating thing I have done for myself. I have been thinking about how to align myself best with what I want. And in the process of reflections, I have realized that I need to allow whatever happens to happen, a lesson which is always a work in progress. And in my effort to get out of my own way, I am releasing expectations of everything and everyone who is external to me. My locus of control is internal and I am focusing on that in order to be in a state of balance.

So today I did some clearing of those parts of me that I had a hard time accepting about myself.  The parts that sought to be a part of someone's life in a certain way, the parts that longed for a dominant man who fed her a dream for the last four months, the parts that longed for someone who could help her find her way home again, and all these parts put together that created a feeling of lack in her life. There is no need to feel lack anymore. There is abundance all around me.

So in the art of allowing, I am looking towards ways in which I can allow some of the experiences that cause me pain to flow through me. I am not part of the story even though these could be my stories. I am the vehicle through which these stories are manifested, told, and experienced. I just show up for the show and tell. :) 

It is late or early morning, depending on one's perspective. I blame someone who kept me up till 7 am the night before for my lack of sleep tonight. Damn me for being a sucker for intellectually stimulating conversations. So as I float on, I end today's ramblings with these tunes from Modest Mouse. 

Should Dominants be Vulnerable?

I have been thinking about this for a while now. A submissive almost always has to take the risk of being vulnerable to the dominant, with some degrees of unconditional trust placed on the dominant. I am using the term dominant to indicate straight males although I know that dominants come in all genders and sexuality. Let us hope that the dominant has done well for himself and has truly earned that trust. However, a D/s relationship is about balance. So, in what ways should a dominant create an environment of trust? Should a dominant show his hand? Show his vulnerability so the submissive knows that he too is opening up to her, that she could begin to see him as her friend, her confidant, her trusted one? I am a love slave. I cannot submit unless I feel stirrings in my heart. Any other submission during scening is for play purpose only if my heart is not connected, mind unengaged, and soul unfulfilled. Any dominant who has matched me, made himself vulnerable to me too, in the sense that he too opened up, discussed his demons, opened his heart to me, captured my mind, and made me feel entirely crazy about him. The risks are great in this kind of engagement because the chance of getting hurt is extremely high for both parties. However, I am not sure that operating from a place of fear gets one very far although it is a good strategy for self-preservation.

I have never been able to submit to a dominant who didn't reveal his cards to me. Dominants who have multiple play partners, who play hard to get, who do not reveal their emotions, who control how much they give me access always felt closed off to me, unmatched, and I mirrored them accordingly. Because a D/s relationship is a mirrored relationship, if I, as a submissive, open up my heart in order to submit, I need him to accept me in his heart as his. 

However, we are driven by fear many times. The fear of being hurt, rejected, abandoned, etc. engulfs us, consumes us, and we drive our relationships using that filter only to recreate the same narratives of our lives repeatedly and wonder why the same assholish things keep happening to us. I have a theory to that. There is no need to live in fear. There is no need to judge anyone else for what they do to us. Any form of judgment towards others is a sign of our lack of unconditional acceptance of who we are, the good, the bad, and the ugly. If it is possible to accept all versions of self unconditionally then it is also possible to not be a permanent character in one's own pain stories.

So should dominants be vulnerable? Well as a submissive my vulnerability looks different from that of a dominant's. However, yes, I do expect the dominant I end up being with to open up to me, to tell me his desires, expectations, to become my friend, to open up his heart, to be open, to remain open, to openly engage, to allow whatever happens to happen and embrace it and not let fear be the guiding factor. Yes that does make us all so vulnerable. But, what if you could stop for one minute living in that fear, romancing your past ghosts, and become open to the possibility of the greatest experience ever, what do you think you will find? 

I created jewel tones

I created jewel tones today. They are vibrant, full of possibilities, shimmering, glittering, shining, and bright. They make me happy. Shiny, happy jewels and I stepped right into them letting them flow around me and into me. Yay me!

Rodrigo y Gabriela - Diablo Rojo

Love the music of these people. Complete escape to ecstasy for me. I am always transported to another world when I listen to them.

Happy Birthday Bob!

Today is Bob Marley's Birthday. He would have been 66 years old today if he were alive. So, to celebrate his advent on earth, I did one thing I never do. I did laundry!!! It is  HUGE deal for me. Then I played all the Bob Marley songs in my iTunes playlist, and danced around my house and (gasps) CLEANED!! WTF is wrong with me? I am so not the cleaning, doing laundry type of person. Must be the magic of Bob Marley's lifting tunes. I sang along, got happy, and did yucky things like fold clothes, sort into piles, and put them away neatly. I am telling you the world is coming to an end soon. Run for your life! :)

I got to thinking what would this world look like if Bob Marley wasn't born? What would we miss out on? Could there have been another one who could feed our souls as Marley did? Is it possible that someone else can fill the void left by another, ever? Then does it mean that if I weren't born then someone else could have filled my energetic space? Would it matter if I am not here tomorrow? Would anyone notice other than my family, close friends, and people who I owe money to? The ego is so grandiose that it would like to think so but I am also aware of how terrific of a hallucination the self is. The ego gives my "self" a meaning that is attached to the me, myself, I, my needs, etc. When I lift the veil, I see how there is no concrete self. There is just us. Unified consciousness of good, bad, ugly, divine, perverted, raunchy, saintly us.And I hold no judgment for any version of us. Consciousness has to manifest to feel itself and so here we are.

I have gratitude for Bob Marley's choice of this blue planet to spend some of his time. I am attaching one of Marley's classic, "One Love" below. I am not religious. But when Marley sings it, I hear messages of unity and love and it doesn't bother me.

Are you seeking a Master?

I get this question a lot of times in second life. People see me in D/s spaces and because my profile has nothing about being owned, I suppose it is a natural one to ask. But I never know how to answer that question because the answer isn't yes and it is also not entirely a no. I hardly ever had that conversation with my previous Masters. For example, with one of my previous Masters, we just started talking. We flirted. There was a spark, an undeniable chemistry without any sexual act. I felt natural being submissive and he felt natural being dominant. The more submissive I felt, the more dominance he expressed, feeding off of my femininity. There was a strong mental connection like we knew each other from before and we were picking up from where we left off. When the night ended, he asked me when I would be back again. I told him I was traveling and that we can stay in touch over email while I was traveling. He told me he would write. The next day he talked to me for eight hours over email while I was on a long road trip. And we explored everything under the sun we could. Vanilla and D/s stuff. The more I learned about him the more I wanted to drop at his feet. I began to feel that I could want nothing else but to serve this man. I was honest with him and told him about all my desires. He was a lot more experienced than I was. He created a safe space for me. I talked about everything I could think of telling him about me so he would know if he was interested in being responsible for me, owning me, protecting me, controlling me, disciplining me, and pushing me to spaces I have never gone before. 

By the time I came back from my travels, we spent another week together, exploring each other in every possible spaces we could in second life, via phone calls, text messages, emails, exchanging pictures and other first life information. The magic between us kept accelerating instead of fading. I craved His control, His domination over me, and I wanted to drop to His feet and never think of anything else other than knowing this is the man who rules over me, this is the man I would want to be worshipful for, and He would care for me much better than I could, ever. Finally, I begged for His collar, kneeling at His feet and He accepted me.


My point is that I didn't have the conversation about whether or not I seek a Master. Yes, if the right person comes along, I hope I will remain sufficiently open to Him to recognize Him. I sincerely hope so. But in my travels I am not in some Master hunt. I don't look at a dom and wonder if he could be my Master. There are so many things that have to line up before one can even go down that road if someone takes collaring seriously, which I do. I am not a list maker normally, but I will now, for the sake of clarity. If I were to look for one, He would have to be:


1. My intellectual equal so I won't out think Him, or punch holes through his mastery.
2. Articulate, educated, progressive, and extremely open-minded, especially about things He might not understand.
3. Intuitively gifted so He could penetrate my mind, mindfuck me, control my mind, enslave my mind, because He would know, when He captures my mind, my imagination, the rest of me will fall into place naturally.
4. Interested in the darker sides of BDSM as I have dark desires and He would have to be able to push me even further. I have been with gentle doms and even though those experiences were rewarding, I feel that I need something stronger, firmer, and frankly speaking, once I had tasted blood, it has been hard to return to the milder, gentler, moderately kinky version of BDSM.
5. Able to understand that a D/s relationship is organic, and everything I am writing here could change as He exposes me to something new that I am yet to know, like, understand, and appreciate. That we would be doing normal things like cuddling, dancing, going to vanilla events, as well as participate in complete depraved debauchery breaking all social norms and conditioning going to a place of ultimate liberation, with unfaltering trust in and acceptance of each other.

I like being owned. I like being considered property. I like being held with a tight leash, closely attached to my Master. I like being degraded and humiliated, privately, and if He desires, then publicly. I like being made to beg convincingly about two equally unthinkable options as punishment or reward even and being pushed to a place that I had not gone before. I like being in deep subspace, and then taken deeper in submission and forced to do things that I would think impossible otherwise. I am dark and I need someone strong, dark, balanced in himself, has control of his mind, life, and emotions, to be as wicked as He wants to be with me, torment me, use me, and abuse me for his entertainment. My sobs, pleads in sl and in first life turning him on, that I am willing to take on pain, willing to cry for Him, but still do as He asked, because all I care is to please Him, to hear Him say, "Good girl," or "That's my girl," or "Very good, mine."


I want to be shaken from my core, shattered from the illusion of my ego, liberated in complete submission, and I would need an extremely gifted, strong, and well-balanced man to do so. And yet I am not desperate to settle for anything less than what I think I want just to have a Master or a collar around my neck. I have been fortunate to be in the hands of excellent mastery, well-matched with our mutual needs. I can't simply submit to anyone who offers me his collar. I don't need to be collared if I am not with the right one meant for me and i for Him. So am I seeking a Master? Perhaps. Please walk into my life Master. Claim what is Yours.

If You Were A Sailboat

I think I am going through a Katie Melua phase. All of her songs seem to speak to me lately. I love this song because it is fun, it is optimistic, and speaks of a connectedness in a relationship that comes from being open, taking risks, being there for each others, and both parties falling into natural roles.


f you're a cowboy I would trail you,
If you're a piece of wood I'd nail you to the floor.
If you're a sailboat I would sail you to the shore.
If you're a river I would swim you,
If you're a house I would live in you all my days.
If you're a preacher I'd begin to change my ways.

Sometimes I believe in fate,
But the chances we create,
Always seem to ring more true.
You took a chance on loving me,
I took a chance on loving you.

If I was in jail I know you'd spring me
If I was a telephone you'd ring me all day long
If was in pain I know you'd sing me soothing songs.

Sometimes I believe in fate,
But the chances we create,
Always seem to ring more true.
You took a chance on loving me,
I took a chance on loving you.

If I was hungry you would feed me
If I was in darkness you would lead me to the light
If I was a book I know you'd read me every night

If you're a cowboy I would trail you,
If you're a piece of wood I'd nail you to the floor.
If you're a sailboat I would sail you to the shore.
If you're a sailboat I would sail you to the shore 

Fidelity

This is one of the more popular songs of Regina Spektor. The lyrics of the song remind me how we always shuttle between wanting it all as we connect to people and yet operate from a limiting place of fear. One has to risk big to gain big. I am all in. Let the chips fall where they might.

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds

I hear in my mind all of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind all of this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
When it breaks my heart

And suppose I never ever met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you
Kiss me so sweet and so soft

Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs
Just to break my own fall

Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall

All my friends say that of course
It's gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better!

I never love nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds

I hear in my mind all of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind all of this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart

I hear in my mind all of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind all of this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

When it breaks my heart
When it breaks my heart
When it breaks my heart
Breaks my heart

When it breaks my heart
When it breaks my heart
When it breaks my heart
When it breaks my heart

Renewal

I started this blog when someone asked me to do so. I had closed the blog down earlier before his departure out of my life. I am now ready to renew this blog and start talking about whatever strikes my fancy. Mostly because I need an outlet to express my thoughts and second life profile picks become inadequate to someone like me who has verbal diarrhea. I look forward to confessing to all sorts of naughty and not-so-naughty things.