Day Five Letters: Today There's Only One

Today's letter asks to list the first sexual kinky experience which I have already done, so I am moving on to the vanilla letter to my dreams. Although knowing me I will kinkify (yes I made that word up) that letter too.

Dear Dreams,

Last night before I went to bed I asked myself, "What would tomorrow look like if I were to have a profound experience?"So I am holding my thoughts steadfast on all good things. This week, for some reason, has started off a bit heavy, but I am hoping it will soon pass. So my dear dreams can you do your thing and make the bad things go away and bring the good things around, right about now? I could really use 'em.

Love,

Gem.

Irrefutable Logic!!

This cracks me up every time I watch it.

Day Four Letters: Not Much to Say Today

Today's letters are those that I have already written in some form or another or that there is nothing to write. I started this project explaining the context here.

Kink Letter - Early experiences that hint at my kink. I would point at Letter two for that.

Vanilla Letter - A letter to my sibling. I don't have one. So no letter there.

Ha! That's a quick day 4 task. Nothing *chaotic* about that. *winks at who shall not be named*

Day Three: Letter to My Parents

Here is the letter to my parents. The context of this project is here.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am having a good time at camp. Please make sure my frogs are alive and fed. Also make sure the pet walrus in the backyard sings, “I’m the walrus” everyday because otherwise people will forget. Yesterday, Joey stole a nickel from me and so I threw his hat in the lake. The counselor spanked me a lot. I liked it. Then Joey spanked me a lot. I liked it. Then they renamed the camp and called it “Camp Spank-a-lot.” Then we had a field trip and went over to the camp next door, Camp Camelot. We got to pet a lot of camels at that camp and played with swords stuck in stones. Sticky swords they were. When we came back to camp, the camp counselor took me to the docks and paddled me to train for the canoe race next week. That night I slept with a sore behind and the camp counselor said that I would like it. Next day we launched a rocket ship in Uranus. That was our science project. Because we were good at blasting off the huge rocket, all of us got spanked and I got some extra paddling, since the camp counselor was very nice to me.

In the afternoon, they asked us to do an art project. I painted a picture that looked like a red twig and two berries. I put two kids’ mouths on the berries. I got spanked for that picture, but this time I got spanked naked. The camp counselor said that if I am so keen on feeding people berries hanging off of a twig, he could make sure I get fed some. Maybe that could be my treat tomorrow?

Please tell our next-door neighbor Uncle Roger that when I come back I can play that tickling game with him after all. He offered me his popsicle to suck if I played a tickling game with him. You grounded me before I came to camp so I could not suck Uncle Roger’s popsicle. However, my counselor says that I should tell you that when you grounded me, Joey came in through my bedroom window and played doctor with me.

Tomorrow my camp counselor is going to take me out for a hike. Just me. He thinks that I should get in touch with all natural things. I don’t know why he just packed a condom and a case of beer for our hiking trip. But I am excited to touch natural things. I feel very special.

Guess what? I got my first-aid merit badge. When Joey was spanking me something started to grow out of his pants. I quickly put a tourniquet around his growth and the camp counselor thought that I have learned everything about first-aid and gave me a merit badge immediately and told me that I am not to put any tourniquet around anything that is sticking out.

This morning I threw up. The camp counselor said it was probably just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. We are going to town this afternoon to buy some more condoms and beer. Don’t worry about anything. I will write soon.

Love,

Gemma

.

Day Three Letters

The vanilla letter is to my parents. The genesis of this letter writing project is here. It will take some time for me to write the vanilla letter and I probably need to write that with a clear head as it is way past midnight in Gemmaland. So here is a story about the first time I discovered a kink.

i think i can recall back to being about nine years old when i learned about submission. i know that makes me a really precocious little girl but so be it. There was a girl who used to work for my family. She came from a poor family so they sent her over to our house to clean our dishes, wash our clothes, and serve our food, simple chores which i am sure violated a series of child labor laws somewhere as she was in her early teens. Anyway i can't even remember her name anymore. Let's call her Rita. Rita had an earthy smell on her body, she was very dark skinned, had dark eyes, and shoulder length dark hair. Her skin was smooth, kinda silky, had little to no hair and she had bright white teeth. 

One afternoon after lunch we were lying down together giggling and talking. The idea was to take a nap before Rita had to start her afternoon chores. Well Rita clearly had other things in mind. She started to tickle me. I was laughing at her tickling but there was something different about the way she was tickling me. It was as if she was enjoying the effect she had on me where i was both in pain, laughing, and begging her to stop. The more i begged her to stop, the more she carried on, like she was feeding off of my pain. Then, suddenly Rita climbed over me, pinned my arms down, straddled on top of me and started to grind her pubic region against mine. 

i was stunned. i didn't know what was happening with her, with my body, her body and i tried to struggle and ask her, "What are you doing? Stop now."I had a pleading tone to my voice.

With a cold stare, Rita locked her eyes with mine and said with a stern voice, "Shut up. I am giving you something i want. Just stop struggling." Rita was putting more pressure on my wrists to pin me down as she rubbed herself on top of me over and over again.

i didn't know what was happening to me or to my body at the time except the more Rita pushed herself in between my legs the more warm i felt down there and the more i wanted her to push me. i knew what we were doing was wrong and if someone found out we would be in trouble. That made things scary and somewhat exciting simultaneously except i was not sure it was excitement i felt or if i was just shocked at Rita's boldness. 

Rita never touched me after that afternoon and i longed for her to touch me every day. Months went by but we never spoke of that one incident. Something changed in me that afternoon. Eventually Rita stopped working for us. I got this feeling she was torturing me knowing that I would want her to pin me down again, force herself on me, rubbing on me, making me get wet, and making me feel things i didn't know how to process. That, i think, is my first memory of discovering one of my kinks. 

Day Two Letters

Day two of letter writing. I still want to resist the prompts. The letters are meant to explore my kinky and vanilla side. The context of these letters are here.

The kinky letter asks me to list my kink. Well I already answered that yesterday so there is no point in making things redundant. But in general my kink is being mind-fucked and fucked hard, rough, degraded, humiliated, used and treated as property, raped, kidnapped, gang-banged, and pushed to do even more with proper mind-control. Someone once tried to put me in a hypnotic trance and subjugate me. That was the hottest thing ever that I had the opportunity to experience. He understood mind-fuck well and understood what I needed and kept me on a short leash. I felt His ownership 24/7 even though we were in a long-distance relationship. Thus, I always stay open to learning more about how deep I can go in my submission with proper trust, safety, connection, and domination on all levels. Staying open allows for a gratifying experience of deepened submission and allows for embracing new experiences.

Letter to a High School Crush

Dear Nav,

When I think back to our high school days, I can only smile at my own assumptions about our relationship. That year we were in Biology, Chemistry, Finite Math, and Calculus together. I was kicking your ass in all subjects. You would hang out with me before and after class, during lunch hour and even call me at home to make sure you understood the material as well as you needed to, since you wanted to get good grades for medical school. You always thought ahead, always planned. I used to admire your intelligence as well as your tall, lean body, bright smile, and wavy hair. I daydreamed about what it would be like to be in your arms. Perhaps because I watched too much "Saved by the Bell," "Dawson's Creek," or "Degrassi High" or something, I thought that whenever a guy talks to a girl within the context of attending the same high school, it usually means he likes her.

Well, you talked to me a lot. Especially when I was nominated to represent our school in that math Euclid contest and you weren't. You sat with me and tried to figure out what it is that you didn't understand about "finding limits" in calculus or how to remember trigonometric formulas, or how to balance a chemical equation. I remember dissecting that frog and squirming and making you do the work during biology and feeling amazing that you took care of us and didn't tell the teacher about my lack of participation. For sure, I thought you liked me, loved me even. It made perfect sense to me. How could it not? Zac would do it for Kelly in "Saved by the Bell" if he was smart enough. I thought that if it were an episode of Dawson's Creek, we would be doing the horizontal mumbo number one, two..or whatever.

We had a spring dance. I was hoping either you'd ask me in advance or ask me for a dance at the event. To my surprise, I found out that you came with a girl. Even more surprising was that she was your girlfriend for a year. I was extremely confused. How could life not be like those high school dramedies on TV? Why didn't anyone tell me? You didn't ask me to dance. I just had to change my assumption. We remained friends. Academic friends. I was your geek consultant. But I still had a crush on you.

Consequently, any guy I met after you, I refused to believe that they liked me even if the signs were pretty strong. I didn't want to ass-u-me any more. I remember a guy who came to my dorm room in university, in his underwear, and stayed till 4 am, both of us intoxicated, asserting strongly that it would be okay if a girl makes the first move. I never made that move. I was scared that I was reading into things. An almost naked guy on my bed emphasizing that a girl can make the first move and would be able to turn a guy on was not enough of an indicator to me that he liked me. Guys would have to lick me or something for me to consider, perhaps there might be an interest.

However, our lives have moved past those years. We have gone in our different directions. I think back to those days fondly. Simpler days, simpler times, simpler concerns. All I used to worry about was how to come up with my next excuse to break curfew or where I could go to make out with my boyfriend, or how would it feel when I make love for the first time. That is another story for another time. I thank you for crossing paths with me. I had fun and learned that high school dramedies aren't good resources for sorting out teenage emotions.

Day One Letters

Today I am going to write two letters. The letters are meant to explore my kinky and vanilla side. The context of these letters are here.


Day 1: Letter to my best friend Daisy.

Dear Daisy,

Language is never adequate to fully place markers on one's emotions and I now stand at this intersection where I am overwhelmed by the abstract, concrete, and tacit emotions about our relationship, something that exceeds language, exceeds being captured, preserved, processed, and analyzed. You have brought me back to balance, repeatedly, making sure I stay true to myself in all ways, always. From the moment I met you, we have gone on an journey of adventure, honoring our inner Goddesses, crying together when our hearts ache, and having long drawn-out bubble-tea chats about anything, everything, and nothing. I have never had the kind of telepathic connection with anyone else but you. When you hurt, I do. When I hurt, you send me a text message without me saying a thing to you. When I rejoice, you know, and bathe in it. When you fly, I soar with you. I am amazed at how similar our life paths have been and yet how long it has taken us to discover each other. But here we are. In our light, in our glory, in our darkness, in our joy, in our silliness, in our goofiness, in our creation, in our falling off the wagon, in our getting back on the wagon, in our kicking the wagon, in whatever it is that we do. We ride the wave together and I don't know anyone else with whom I would enjoy surfing the blue planet more.


Day 1: Dom/sub/switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an in-depth definition of what this means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

I read this prompt and immediately wanted to resist. I am not easy to define. That doesn't mean that I am a switch. I am a submissive, all the way. But to figure out a way to define myself holds me in some sort of an absolute space and I don't do absolutes. I am continuously growing in my submission, deepening my understanding about who I am as a submissive. Therefore, what I say about myself today may or may not be the way I will "define" my understanding of who I am as a submissive or what submission means to me three months from now. So my initial instinct is to not answer the question.

However, given that I end up editing a lot in my first life, I decided to edit the question for myself and respond to this prompt instead. "What does being a submissive mean to you, today?" Then I don't have this instinctive need to deconstruct the question and consider having lunch as a better alternative to answering the question.

I have always been submissive. I just didn't know that what I was had a label. However, as a submissive, I frustrate some men. I am submissive but I am also capable of formulating intelligent thoughts, communicating said thoughts, and explaining the genesis and rationale of said thoughts. Most men find this difficult to handle, as this somehow makes me less submissive, less compliant, less willing to bend to their wills.

I am not submissive to all men. I am not submissive to most dominants even. The dominants who match me are usually extremely secure in their dominance and actually take a lot of pride in owning a submissive who has her shit together and comes to submission from a place of strength and has a decent idea of who she is as a submissive but remains open to growing and learning further. These dominants with whom I match have a strong sense of respect and honor, and they value communication highly in all its forms. This means they stay connected, do not go through prolonged periods of absence, prolonged periods without feedback on tasks assigned, and they remain open to communicate across differences without manipulation, punishment, or criticism, because they understand that we have journeyed differently before we met and thus carry different histories, triggers, fears, insecurities, and anxieties. Because they hold themselves in high regard, when I am with them (not simultaneously of course since I am not poly), I feel cherished, respected, honored, even while they are defiling me in the most unthinkable ways.

Usually submission for me comes when someone starts to control my thoughts, my mind, places his ideas and suggestions strongly over mine, making me admit things that I otherwise would not admit. Mind-fucking is my kink. That is the only way I submit. If I cannot be mind-fucked, my submission will not last for more than a scene, if that even. When people ask for my kinks, I usually confess that mind-fuck is the driver of all my kinks. Being properly mind-fucked, I can be made to do just about everything. My desires run dark and I usually match well with very strong dark-minded dominants, sadists even. The cape-wearing kind, perhaps *winks chaotically*. My kink is being kept on a short leash under His control and mind-fucked so much that all I would know and can know is how to please Him, and do it gladly, willingly, begging for more, and go as deep and dark as He needs me to go. I have been fortunate enough to experience that once or twice. It was the most amazing, euphoric feeling. Knowing that I can go more than I could have imagined because my need to serve Him trumps everything and that He has created a space for me to do just that while I feel safe, secure, respected, and cherished is what I need for my kink and submission to thrive and deepen.

I could always mention bondage, restraints, force fucking, raping, kidnapping, gang-banging, etc as my kinks and they have been extremely fun and arousing when I engaged in them. However, the fun wasn't in the kinks. The fun was in being controlled and pushed to do those things. I am a cerebral slut. Capture my mind, control my mind, and the rest of me will follow, easily.

Because I have been lucky to have experienced some really decent mastery, I have always chosen to not rush into a collar. If I wear anyone's collar, it is because I sincerely believe that the collar is not going to come off of my neck and that we are going to enjoy being with each other for a long time. Perhaps that makes me a snobbish subbie because I hold out. Or perhaps that just makes me, me. In all my im/perfections, willing to do anything for a good mind-fuck with someone who is my intellectual equal, who can match me on all levels, and can dominate me on all of them too. So that is what being a submissive means to me, today. Tomorrow, who knows?

Thirty Days and Thirty Letters

For the next 30 days I am going to try the following exploratory exercises. I cannot promise that I will stick to the exercises below or that I won't be posting other silly jokes, videos, or whatever else my demented mind can conjure. However, the prompts for these letters look interesting so off I go on a publicly displayed self-exploratory journey. Oh that sounds kinky already. Am I into public display? Am I into being displayed publicly while I explore myself? Hmm...wouldn't you want to know you kinky person in Malaysia who is reading my blog (hehe)? I do want to thank everyone who is reading my blog. My stats are getting higher by the day and I keep wondering what it is that I might be writing here that is of interest to strangers. But either way, I appreciate that you read my blog. I appreciate that something I am saying here is of interest to you whether in agreement or in disagreement. I appreciate that you engage with me.

Thirty days of kink came from this website. Thirty days of self-exploration in vanilla came from here.

THIRTY DAYS OF KINK

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch?  What parts of BDSM interest you?  Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

Day 2: List your kinks.

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?

Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience?  If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

Day 10: What are your hard limits?

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had.  If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you?  Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?  If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves?  If so, what are they?

Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life?  If so, what are they?

Day 20:  Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)

Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy?  How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed?  How so?

Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?

Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?

Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?

Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play?  What significance does your attire have to you?

Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)?  What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

THIRTY DAYS OF SELF-EXPLORATION IN VANILLA

Day 01 – Letter 1: Your best friend

Day 02 – Letter 2: Your high school crush.

Day 03 – Letter 3: Your parents.

Day 04 – Letter 4: Your siblings.

Day 05 – Letter 5: Your dreams.

Day 06 – Letter 6: Your 8 year-old self.

Day 07 – Letter 7: Your ex.

Day 08 – Letter 8: Your favorite teacher.

Day 09 – Letter 9: Your 20 year-old self.

Day 10 – Letter 10: Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to.

Day 11 – Letter 11: A deceased person you wish you could talk to.

Day 12 – Letter 12: The last waiter/waitress who served you well.

Day 13 – Letter 13: Someone you wish you could forgive.

Day 14 – Letter 14: Someone you drifted away from.

Day 15 – Letter 15: The person you miss the most.

Day 16 – Letter 16: Your body.

Day 17 – Letter 17: Someone from your childhood.

Day 18 – Letter 18: The person you wish you could be.

Day 19 – Letter 19: Someone that pesters your mind (Good or bad).

Day 20 – Letter 20: The one that broke your heart the hardest.

Day 21 – Letter 21: Someone you judged by their first impression.

Day 22 – Letter 22: Someone you want to give a second chance to.

Day 23 – Letter 23: The last person you kissed.

Day 24 – Letter 24: Your guardian angel.

Day 25 – Letter 25: The person you know that is going through the worst of times.

Day 26 – Letter 26: The last person you made a pinkie promise to.

Day 27 – Letter 27: The last cashier you interacted with.

Day 28 – Letter 28: Someone that changed your life.

Day 29 – Letter 29: The person you want to tell everything to, but are afraid to.

Day 30 – Letter 30: Your reflection in the mirror.

Topping from the Bottom: Not Possible if You're a Dom

I hear this term a lot in my travels in the D/s world, "topping from the bottom." I know Doms cringe when they hear this term and no good subs ever top from the bottom. However, today I want to address something much more serious and perhaps a red flag for many of us. Topping from the bottom doesn't happen if one is really dominant. I can try to top you, I can do whatever you think is topping from the bottom from your perspective. However, I would never, ever be successful unless you *can* be topped. So it is a non-issue really. You, if you were my dominant, would be able to hear what I am saying, or understand what I am doing, and not think it is topping from the bottom, because you'd be secure in your dominance and know that I am not in a position to top you ever, and even if I try, I won't be successful.

There is a downside when submissives are accused of "topping from the bottom," especially when they are trying to express themselves, their feelings, struggles, stumbling blocks, points of discomfort, etc. These are not attempts to top from the bottom, but they are attempts to communicate difficult issues, or communicate across differences. When a submissive is accused of "topping from the bottom" by her dominant, and she places full trust in said dominant, so much so that she wouldn't question the accusation, she can often end up questioning the merit of her submission, feeling like she didn't do something right, or that she needs to modify her behavior in some way to serve better and please her dominant. Yet, the real issue, the one that was causing problems, the one that might have been difficult for her, the one where the Dom and the sub were experiencing differences, remained unaddressed, only with the potential to be a bigger issue in the future.

Submission is not about being silent. Submission is also not about being okay with things that cause a submissive damage. Real damage. A good dominant should be able to hear what a submissive is saying and not be insecure and see it as topping from the bottom. A dominant who can be topped from the bottom has not yet stepped into his dominance fully. A submissive who feels that she cannot express herself openly and freely to her Master can never fully grow and thrive in her submission, and thereby, can never fully serve her Master to her highest potential. Associating communication with accusation is a dangerous and irresponsible thing for a dominant to do.

I wish all the Doms who accuse sincere submissives of topping from the bottom would

- step into their dominance fully and know that this is a non-issue
- listen to their submissives with an open heart. Try to hear what she is saying instead of accusations. That stunts communication
- identify why they feel that their dominance is so easily topped
- redirect submissives if needed instead of accusations of topping

I would happily admit that there are people who walk around claiming to be submissives but they are kinksters and know nothing about submission and do try to top from the bottom. However, if a dominant meets such a person, it would still be a non-issue no matter what the other person is trying to do. A real dominant cannot be topped from the bottom and therefore any attempt to do so by anyone is futile and therefore, again, a non-issue.

My concern, for the most part, is for those who are still stepping into their dominance, or who are not strong dominants, who accuse sincere submissives about micromanaging and topping from the bottom, when submissives try to communicate difficult issues or communicate across differences and cause hurt and pain because the dominants are unable to see the value of such communication beyond feeling threatened. Such accusations are especially harmful for new submissives because it can take years to discard that kind of identification, that perhaps one is not good enough as a submissive if one tries to communicate, or worse, a submissive learns that she cannot lean on her dominant to help her when she struggles with something in the relationship. These accusations can cause lasting emotional damage to a newcomer and also to an experienced submissive and I wish and I hope that dominants are more careful than becoming accusatory of those that they have promised to take care of and nurture.

Grab Your Dick and Double Click: The Internet is for Porn!

I was shown this clip this morning. I don't know why people think I would find such things amusing. I am shocked, devastated, and traumatized, really. Don't they know that I am a reserved, conservative, proper girl (tries not to choke while coughing)? I would never do such a thing where I would use the Internet for the jollies of my groin. However, one can never say enough about a jolly groin. It is better than the jolly green giant (oh, damn have more jokes flooding in my head at this moment and none of them are especially clever, but all are incredibly childish and immature), and the jolly man in the red suit who only lets you sit on his lap once a year to talk about the first thing that pops up. Anyway, I digress. I provide to you, my dear readers (waves to the German, Dutch, Indian, English, Australian, Brazilian, Canadian, Russian, Croatian, Cambodian, Italian, and American people), empirical evidence about the debauchery that goes on the Internet. Click if you dare. Double click if you double dare.

Eva Cassidy Touches My Soul

I think she is one of the most gifted vocalists I have ever heard. This song makes me want to cry, paint, write poems, make love, hug a tree, smooch a puppy, and even tolerate people driving slow in the fast lane. This song melts me, touches me to my core, rattles me, and makes me want to do things that touch people in deep, meaningful, positive and soul-stirring ways.

Look At Your Life: Who Do You Want To Be Before You Die?

I normally don't listen to too much Electronic. However, DJing in SL and taking requests from people, have instantly expanded my library and exposure. Anyway, the lyrics of this song spoke to me deeply. If you had one day to live, what would you do? How would you live your life? And then if you had a lifetime to live, would you take all of those things for granted? What do you consider what matters today? What do you put off for tomorrow? Is there ever really a tomorrow? Because when tomorrow comes, it is today. Is there anything other than the now, the present? Because when we were experiencing yesterday, it was the present. When we would experience tomorrow, it would be now. So all we have is "now." So, what will you do before you die? Is this a bucket list? Or can it be a way of existing? Should the threat of end-of-life drive one to live to her/his fullest? Damn I am all serious in this post and am asking way too many questions.

Do you roll out of bed, look in the mirror, and realize another year is gone? So what if today was your birthday? What would you do today like it was the last day of your life? Can you sustain that everyday till your last breath? Needless to say I am hitting some deep reflective points, so I should post some obligatory soft porn pictures for those readers who come to read my blog for laughs or for smut.

Starting today, in this moment, right now, I will do at least one thing I would have done if today was the last day I had to live on earth. Tomorrow, if it comes for me, I will do the same. And the same the day after. What would my life look like then? A year from now, would I wake up, look in the mirror and smile for a year well-lived in its utmost glory, in utter fulfillment? This is my wish for everyone. This is our birthday. Let us hope that a year from now, we smile and look back on a year that gave us the highest of the highs because we chose to live our lives without fear, taking chances we might not otherwise take, and going on journeys that we didn't dare to go on before.

I misspelled gerbil* (Facepalms)

There might have been some alcohol involved. Maybe some fast typing involved. And it is totally not relevant under what context I had to use the word "gerbil" while I was drinking. But I think hanging out in SL is directly related to my spelling slippage. However, if anyone must know, the sentence in which I had to use the word "gerbil" was, "Shove a gerbil up your ass," which happened to be the lyrics of an Eminem song called Fack. And do not click on the clip below if dirty, raunchy, and absolutely ridiculously immature and offensive lyrics bother you.



Either way, I am going to blame alcohol and SL for stealing my spelling corrector neurons away. I am traumatized for the rest of my life.

Sometimes people think that I am being a spelling and grammar snob when I have difficulty seeing someone as my dominant if they cannot spell. So to the future ex-Master I say:

Dear future ex-Master,

If I have to edit your posts while You try to put me in subspace due to repeated errors in spelling and grammar, then not only am I going to miss out being in subspace, but correcting Your spelling and grammar mistakes will make me feel like Your teacher, which cannot be good for U/us. While I understand the issue of heated, sticky fingers on the keyboard during our play leading to errors, repeated errors distract me from Your Domly Dom gift of mindfucking me to the edge of sanity.

I miss You!

Re-membering. Re-newing. Re-framing. Some experiences are just transcendental.

An Evening with Tom Cruise and Sarah Palin

If Tom Cruise and Sarah Palin were to meet and have dinner, what would the conversation be like? Would they understand each other? Would there be a lot of sound effects? Would there be parallel threads of conversations? Word salad? Maniacal laughter? Wait no more. Find out below what happens when Tom and Sarah dine.

This is my Now

Sometimes you get a moment. A perfect moment. Where everything lines up. Perfectly. And you are fulfilled. In every possible way. If it is possible to commit to that moment, not worry about the ghosts of the past or the anticipation of the future, the joys of existing in that moment is mind blowing. You cannot contain that kind of joy. It spills over. The cup runneth over. If you could experience a moment like this, even once, just once in your entire life, you will know how alive it makes you feel, how right everything appears in the moment, and in that perfect moment, something magical happens. You live your own truth. To thine ownself be true. The rest will fall into place.

Shout Out to Friends

Last night I performed for the first time as a DJ in Second Life. It was a blast! But what was even more fun was that I had friends who showed up to either one or to all of my events to support me. I felt the love, oh yeah! In all seriousness, I took stock of my day in SL before the end of the night. I was filled with gratitude for the care, support, love, and nurturing I received from so many. What is even more amazing is that all of those people who I had listed on my Friends Integrated pick on my profile showed up to one or all of the events and stayed till the very end, even after a really long day in their first lives. I am extremely fortunate to have so many fun, happy, cool, and supportive people around me. I ended the night filled up with gratitude for being at the receiving end of so much good will. Thank you E/everyone. Your support and debauchery meant the world to me. Let us keep debauching. Yes I am making up words again, damn it. I plan to rock on, rock your world, jamming into Y/your jammies if Y/you can handle the heat and moisture (winks), or have things jammed into me. My friends are the best in the whole wide world and in all of the universe's alien civilizations. They can kick major klingon ass if they really wanted to. :)