Dear Mom and Dad,
I am having a good time at camp. Please make sure my frogs are alive and fed. Also make sure the pet walrus in the backyard sings, “I’m the walrus” everyday because otherwise people will forget. Yesterday, Joey stole a nickel from me and so I threw his hat in the lake. The counselor spanked me a lot. I liked it. Then Joey spanked me a lot. I liked it. Then they renamed the camp and called it “Camp Spank-a-lot.” Then we had a field trip and went over to the camp next door, Camp Camelot. We got to pet a lot of camels at that camp and played with swords stuck in stones. Sticky swords they were. When we came back to camp, the camp counselor took me to the docks and paddled me to train for the canoe race next week. That night I slept with a sore behind and the camp counselor said that I would like it. Next day we launched a rocket ship in Uranus. That was our science project. Because we were good at blasting off the huge rocket, all of us got spanked and I got some extra paddling, since the camp counselor was very nice to me.
In the afternoon, they asked us to do an art project. I painted a picture that looked like a red twig and two berries. I put two kids’ mouths on the berries. I got spanked for that picture, but this time I got spanked naked. The camp counselor said that if I am so keen on feeding people berries hanging off of a twig, he could make sure I get fed some. Maybe that could be my treat tomorrow?
Please tell our next-door neighbor Uncle Roger that when I come back I can play that tickling game with him after all. He offered me his popsicle to suck if I played a tickling game with him. You grounded me before I came to camp so I could not suck Uncle Roger’s popsicle. However, my counselor says that I should tell you that when you grounded me, Joey came in through my bedroom window and played doctor with me.
Tomorrow my camp counselor is going to take me out for a hike. Just me. He thinks that I should get in touch with all natural things. I don’t know why he just packed a condom and a case of beer for our hiking trip. But I am excited to touch natural things. I feel very special.
Guess what? I got my first-aid merit badge. When Joey was spanking me something started to grow out of his pants. I quickly put a tourniquet around his growth and the camp counselor thought that I have learned everything about first-aid and gave me a merit badge immediately and told me that I am not to put any tourniquet around anything that is sticking out.
This morning I threw up. The camp counselor said it was probably just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. We are going to town this afternoon to buy some more condoms and beer. Don’t worry about anything. I will write soon.
Love,
Gemma
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