Are you seeking a Master?

I get this question a lot of times in second life. People see me in D/s spaces and because my profile has nothing about being owned, I suppose it is a natural one to ask. But I never know how to answer that question because the answer isn't yes and it is also not entirely a no. I hardly ever had that conversation with my previous Masters. For example, with one of my previous Masters, we just started talking. We flirted. There was a spark, an undeniable chemistry without any sexual act. I felt natural being submissive and he felt natural being dominant. The more submissive I felt, the more dominance he expressed, feeding off of my femininity. There was a strong mental connection like we knew each other from before and we were picking up from where we left off. When the night ended, he asked me when I would be back again. I told him I was traveling and that we can stay in touch over email while I was traveling. He told me he would write. The next day he talked to me for eight hours over email while I was on a long road trip. And we explored everything under the sun we could. Vanilla and D/s stuff. The more I learned about him the more I wanted to drop at his feet. I began to feel that I could want nothing else but to serve this man. I was honest with him and told him about all my desires. He was a lot more experienced than I was. He created a safe space for me. I talked about everything I could think of telling him about me so he would know if he was interested in being responsible for me, owning me, protecting me, controlling me, disciplining me, and pushing me to spaces I have never gone before. 

By the time I came back from my travels, we spent another week together, exploring each other in every possible spaces we could in second life, via phone calls, text messages, emails, exchanging pictures and other first life information. The magic between us kept accelerating instead of fading. I craved His control, His domination over me, and I wanted to drop to His feet and never think of anything else other than knowing this is the man who rules over me, this is the man I would want to be worshipful for, and He would care for me much better than I could, ever. Finally, I begged for His collar, kneeling at His feet and He accepted me.


My point is that I didn't have the conversation about whether or not I seek a Master. Yes, if the right person comes along, I hope I will remain sufficiently open to Him to recognize Him. I sincerely hope so. But in my travels I am not in some Master hunt. I don't look at a dom and wonder if he could be my Master. There are so many things that have to line up before one can even go down that road if someone takes collaring seriously, which I do. I am not a list maker normally, but I will now, for the sake of clarity. If I were to look for one, He would have to be:


1. My intellectual equal so I won't out think Him, or punch holes through his mastery.
2. Articulate, educated, progressive, and extremely open-minded, especially about things He might not understand.
3. Intuitively gifted so He could penetrate my mind, mindfuck me, control my mind, enslave my mind, because He would know, when He captures my mind, my imagination, the rest of me will fall into place naturally.
4. Interested in the darker sides of BDSM as I have dark desires and He would have to be able to push me even further. I have been with gentle doms and even though those experiences were rewarding, I feel that I need something stronger, firmer, and frankly speaking, once I had tasted blood, it has been hard to return to the milder, gentler, moderately kinky version of BDSM.
5. Able to understand that a D/s relationship is organic, and everything I am writing here could change as He exposes me to something new that I am yet to know, like, understand, and appreciate. That we would be doing normal things like cuddling, dancing, going to vanilla events, as well as participate in complete depraved debauchery breaking all social norms and conditioning going to a place of ultimate liberation, with unfaltering trust in and acceptance of each other.

I like being owned. I like being considered property. I like being held with a tight leash, closely attached to my Master. I like being degraded and humiliated, privately, and if He desires, then publicly. I like being made to beg convincingly about two equally unthinkable options as punishment or reward even and being pushed to a place that I had not gone before. I like being in deep subspace, and then taken deeper in submission and forced to do things that I would think impossible otherwise. I am dark and I need someone strong, dark, balanced in himself, has control of his mind, life, and emotions, to be as wicked as He wants to be with me, torment me, use me, and abuse me for his entertainment. My sobs, pleads in sl and in first life turning him on, that I am willing to take on pain, willing to cry for Him, but still do as He asked, because all I care is to please Him, to hear Him say, "Good girl," or "That's my girl," or "Very good, mine."


I want to be shaken from my core, shattered from the illusion of my ego, liberated in complete submission, and I would need an extremely gifted, strong, and well-balanced man to do so. And yet I am not desperate to settle for anything less than what I think I want just to have a Master or a collar around my neck. I have been fortunate to be in the hands of excellent mastery, well-matched with our mutual needs. I can't simply submit to anyone who offers me his collar. I don't need to be collared if I am not with the right one meant for me and i for Him. So am I seeking a Master? Perhaps. Please walk into my life Master. Claim what is Yours.