I am in this place in my life where I have realized that I have to get out of my own way to experience the joy and happiness that I think I can. Part of that involves letting go of expectations of others. The act of unconditional acceptance of self is the most liberating thing I have done for myself. I have been thinking about how to align myself best with what I want. And in the process of reflections, I have realized that I need to allow whatever happens to happen, a lesson which is always a work in progress. And in my effort to get out of my own way, I am releasing expectations of everything and everyone who is external to me. My locus of control is internal and I am focusing on that in order to be in a state of balance.
So today I did some clearing of those parts of me that I had a hard time accepting about myself. The parts that sought to be a part of someone's life in a certain way, the parts that longed for a dominant man who fed her a dream for the last four months, the parts that longed for someone who could help her find her way home again, and all these parts put together that created a feeling of lack in her life. There is no need to feel lack anymore. There is abundance all around me.
So in the art of allowing, I am looking towards ways in which I can allow some of the experiences that cause me pain to flow through me. I am not part of the story even though these could be my stories. I am the vehicle through which these stories are manifested, told, and experienced. I just show up for the show and tell. :)
It is late or early morning, depending on one's perspective. I blame someone who kept me up till 7 am the night before for my lack of sleep tonight. Damn me for being a sucker for intellectually stimulating conversations. So as I float on, I end today's ramblings with these tunes from Modest Mouse.
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